In Pakistan, when a childless couple wishes to adopt they are met with much opposition and resistance.
A second marriage is considered a more suitable option.
The people,who at the best of times cannot follow the basic rules suddenly go into holier than thou, its against islam mode at the mention of the word adoption.
A distant cousin of mine, has recently adopted a child.
I have always maintained that inshallah health and finances permitting one day I would like to adopt a child or two. I have only speculated, my cousin did it. They have a child of their own and yet they have such a big HEART, they have welcomed an abandoned baby into their home, lives and hearts.
Last thursday we were at the home of another cousin(K) . Male, unmarried and lately heavy on the religious side.My views on religion are liberal, I suppose. I pray(not always 5 times), I do not eat pork or you know the basic stuff.
For me as a woman and a mother, I have tremendous respect for the couple who adopted the baby. Its not an easy task.When I mentioned this to K in glowing terms. His immediate response was: OH! YOU KNOW ITS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM.
When I am telling a warm, tingly, goose bumpy feel good story, personally, telling me ITS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM pointblank, is like waving a red flag in front of me. I understand that it may not be allowed in islam, but to reduce someone's charitable act to a sin. Without acknowledging for a moment the generousity of that person. Am I right to feel annoyed at his narrow mindedness (which I have experienced on many other topics), or is it my faith that is weak?
It is said that you cannot bequeath any wealth to an adopted child. This so that you do not deprive your other offsprings of their rights. Any wealth to be given must be done when the person is alive. But not as an inheritance.
It is said that once a female adopted child reaches puberty, she will have to observe hijaab, in front of her adopted father , or if a male child is adopted then the adopted mother will have to observe hijaab in front of her adopted son. In both, cases because the men are not biologically related as father/son they are non "mahram" (ie unmarrigeable kin).
The only loophole here is if the child is suckled by the mother, ie as in foster mother. (again any children who have suckled of the same mother are foster brothers/sisters and any other relationship would be viewed as incestous).
But if a woman is unable to conceive from where is she to produce the milk to suckle an infant? That too must be done before th child turns TWO. Because any thing after that is considered as "food.
Yes, God is great, and he knows best. Therefore if he left a couple unable to conceive then there must be a reason. But isn't the whole marriage scenario all about having families and increasing tribes.
If adoption brings outside blood and dilutes the tribe. Then why are we encouraged to marry out of the tribe so as to facilitate the spread of Islam?
How many of us have ever heard (or maybe even seen) of an orphanage, where the children are getting any love? Barely enough food to exist on, and then how many of them are being beaten on a daily basis. Its never all Danny Kaye and Julie Andrews singing hugging kissing, the children at all.
Is it not so much better to bring a child into you own home, give it love, give it a chance. Do you have any idea how many young girls are raped or sent into prostitution from orphanages?
Yes, yes I have heard that one never knows the "neeyat" (intention) of adoptive parents, and they take the children to work as servants blah blah.
How many cases of incest have we come across in the last 1 year? We are talking biological parents now, not "adoptive".
Is it the fault of the children if they have become orphans? Is it their fault if they have been abandoned?
It is true blood (genes, traits) play a huge invisible part of our makeup. That there are many characteristics which will surface, which may not be agreeable. But I also belive the persons surrounding has a tremendous impact on his/her upbringing.
And no one of us is perfect.
But each one of is capable of giving love, be it a little or a lot.
I am not trying to be anti islamic, I am saying this because perhaps my understanding and grasp of the situation is not sufficient for me to comprehend. Maybe I am just being a woman, over emotional. The kind that cannot walk away from a mewling kitten.
We are supposed to be kind to orphans (yateem) and that is what the whole purpose of Zakat is. But do we live in a perfect world, where we abide the rules of the Quran? We do not practise it on a day to day basis ,yet how quick we are to preach it.