Sunday, July 9, 2006

Dear (LOSER) Customer

Well we have all been there, for no reason when after a particularly rough day, you want to pay and get to your car. Just then the nasty head of customer 'dis'-service rears its ugly head and for no reason at all spews its venom.

I would have written a complaint if I did not know better and had not come across this legal document accidentally.
Please read the fine print.

PARAGRAPH

Our company policy allows our staff to behave like total PRATHEADS. We actually encourage them in this process, and have a nice little promotion and BONUS tucked away for the STAR employee who will be the most DISCOURTEOUS.
This is entirely at their discretion and seldon extends to any person of UAE origin or in the case of filipina - filipina, and "BEDOUN WATAN" to arabic/french speaking poor ass nation arabs.
We do not apologise nor regret any inconvenience or mental stress caused to you, because we couldn't give a FLYING F***.
The reason being is we will get paid anyhow, and you will also pay.
Because should you as a matter of principle not wish to visit us; our customer survey has shown that inevitably you will - be visited, by someone from out of town who will want to buy from our outlet and you will be duty bound as the host to take them.
So either way you are screwed.
We have archives of recordings which we have taped from our CCTV, of our staff misbehaving.
These are kept as entertainment for our fortnightly get together where we get pissing drunk and have a laugh on your behalf.
These are also used in our customer 'dis'-service training manuals.
Should you choose to write to any of the local papers to complain, your letter will first be forwarded to us, and we will send you the standard inane meaningless reply about our company policy. As a result your letter does not get printed NYAH!NYAH!
And we WIN AGAIN.

3 comments:

  1. Wicked!! This could apply to the f**kwit at the 'Reception' counter in AD Mall Co-op......I went there a coupla days ago to return 2 t-shirts that I'd bought for grandma & this bloke looked at me like I'd just crawled out from under a rock! His attitude sucked.

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  2. Those b**tards at AD COP(any branch) have a MASTERS DEGREE in being obnoxious.
    I hate shopping there. Firstly cause its more expensive secondly because whenever u want to return something u never get ur cash back even if it was 5 minutes ago.

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