Saturday, May 6, 2006

the odd couple

Well, here I am legally stoned.
Last week I slipped in the bathroom. To avoid hitting the sink or the edge of the the potty I contorted myself and in the process badly hurt my back.

I did not realise then how bad it was going to get. By the evening I was in pain so I thought a little bit of good old Tiger Balm and I will be right as rain. By 8pm I couldnt move at all and by 1. am I was in uncensorred agony!

So I had to go to Las Vegas. LAS VEGAS!! YOU SHOUT.
What is the connection and why so far......Well, are not these private clinics like Las Vegas. You pour in all your money and walk away BROKE!
Ayeyya ya. SoRRy A$$. (I am in training to be a Rap artist)

Anyhow the husband was in a quirky mood and I am not one to miss out on a quirky mood.
This is the conversation with the Doctor.

Husband: My wife hurt her back and now she can't move.
Doctor: Well, what happened?
Husband: She was trying to escape, and she slipped in the toilet.
Doctor blinks, and lets it pass not sure what is going on.
Doctor : Madam can you please lie down and tell me where it hurts....
I lie down and yowl as he finds the spot.
Husband: Does this mean the marriage is off?
Doctor busy with examining me.
ME: Ofcourse the marriage is off. I am not dead yet. See Doctor he wants to marry again .
Doctor is beginning to show a nervous tic in his eye. he recoomends an X-ray.
Husband: Shall I carry you to the X-ray room? But then I will have to come back with a broken back.
Doctor seems to realise we are kidding around and finally smiles tentatively.

IN THE X-RAY ROOM:
Technician: Madam kindly change into the gown and remove all your jewellery.
ME: Does this include my tongue stud and belly button ring?
Technician: Yes. Madam;you are not pregnant are you?
Husband: WHAT YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! Why didn't you tell me.? Before you do x-ray I WANT A DNA test.
Technician goes pale: Please step out Sir.
Husband : Ok but I want a DNA test.
Technician: Madam how did you hurt yourself?
ME : Oh! My husband was beating me.
Sharp intake of breath from technician.
ME: hehehee I was kidding.
He does not look convinced. X-ray over I am sent back to the Doctor.
The reports arrive and the Doctor looks at them and points out the damage etc.
Husband: Thats not my wife's report.
Doctor looks confused and double checks the x-rays. he confirms that indeed they are the correct reports.
Husband: Theres a bone missing. When we got married, I was promised spare parts and accessories in the dowry. But they never came.
I am actually unable to stop laughing and The Doctor is unable to understand why I am laughing since I am in such pain.
Husband: By the way Doctor. Can we x-ray her head too?
Doctor: Oh!Has she hurt her head?
Husband: No, but I think she has a hairline crack in her skull.
Doctor doesn't get it, mutters something in his native tongue and ushers us out as fast as possible.
We leave him shaking his head.
It is time to pay and after being told the amount.
Husband: Can I only pay 50%? After all its 3.am and I should be entitled to a discount at this time. Even Etisalat reduces its international call rates at this time.
Cashier: Umm no Sir.You have to pay in full.
Husband: Besides she is not really my wife you know. I should get a discount.
Cashier looking a little scared and worried.
Husband: Hey I was only kidding.
Everyone laughs all around look relieved and I come home.
Now I am on painkillers and muscle relaxants, and I feel just ECSTATIC!!!!

:D

9 comments:

  1. that's hilarious!

    but seriously Kaya - please get better soon.

    and if you leave any more weird messages on our blog, I'll definitely know that you're flying high this time! :-)

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  2. LOL...Your husband is one Jim Carrey in the making...scratch that, Jaspal Bhatti. Take care while cracking jokes, almost all doctors lack the funny bone. This however, does not apply at clinics in Jumairah (if there are any). Your husband would have to turn into Jay Leno to get noticed there!
    I just remembered a joke I heard on FM today morning...and I was howling in laughter!
    Nurse: It seems our patient is suffering from severe financial pain in his back, what shall we do to help him out?
    Doc: No problem, a simple yet effective RAKBANK injection will do the trick!
    ROFLMAO!
    I was wondering why they didn't talk of the emergency RAKBANK suppository. RECTAL RAKBANK, AHOY!!

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  3. Kaya jaan! sorry to hear about your back... but honestly, LOLLLL at you two. Fun with Kaya and Kaya's Hubbie should be the name of the post.

    No more playing "disney on ice" in your bathroom, you hear?? they are tiles, not ice!

    lol

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  4. You and your husband are terroists... scaring these poor people at the surgery.

    Very funny

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  5. LOL Kaya get well soon. you and your husband seem like interesting characters. I feel sorry for the staff at the hospital - they must have wanted to call the on call pshchiatrist.

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  6. All u guys thanks for your wishes. seriously it was way too funny.
    Nzm: I be flying like the wind. Painkillers ALHUMDOlillah!
    archer: That RAKBANK suppository was just soooooo funny yaar.
    Shaira: Yaar what! If I cant skate in my bathroom then whats the fun!
    Jassim: terrorists? Well as Pakistanis by default we are natural born nutters.
    SAM: thanks.
    destitute: paagal khaanay mai hum jaiso kay liye jagga kaha.
    Everyone thanks again for all the good wishes. I hope to feel better real soon.

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