Keefieboy stated in a comment on my previous post.
"And I know that sub-continentals view and deal with these kinds of incidents very differently than do westerners."
I am not challenging what he has said, because he is right one hundred percent.
But I feel I should clarify it a bit from my understanding of the statement as I have interpreted it, and not necessarily as he may have said it.
It is not that we as subcons love or care for our children any less.
It is simply because we are taught from a very early age about a woman and her modesty being the most valuable of her assets.
I know times are changing, and we our absorbing a tremendous amount of western culture and todays parents will still allow their daughters a lot more leeway then shall we say our mothers allowed us.
I will not comment on the illiterate, ignorant variety of our subcons because frankly speaking they are an embarrasment to us as well.
I will give my family as an example which is considered by DESI standards one of the MODERN families.
My grandfather was a lawyer, and as such his priority back then was always education be it male or female child. The women in my family are all highly educated and also working mothers.
This is my mothers generation. Even back then they were allowed to see movies,go out/drive etc. they are all convent educated and have attended chaperoned dances. All said and done.
My grandfather was so modern in his thought that he allowed his 3 daughters to choose their own life partners.
Now we move forward 50 years or so to my generation.
I know MTV and other western influences have all infilterated into our lives, and we cannot lock up our daughters in some Ivory tower untill the time we find them their husbands.
The clothes that the young girls wear, the makeup, the music the language they speak, is all very diiferent. there are many families who allow their daughters to date, to wear skimpy clothing, to stay out all night and not ask where they have been.
But just because we choose to send our children to a good school(ENGLISH) to provide them with a good education(ENGLISH) that does not mean that to KEEP UP WITH JONES'S we need to forget what is essentially also our heritage, background, values, or culture.
We do not need to wrap her from head to foot to keep her decently dressed. A saree was always looked upon as a revealing and sensual garment. But there are women who wear sarees and do not display their flesh.
How often I have been to the SOUTH INDIAN hangouts (LULU, KM Trading, Sunrise Supermarket) and seen these corpulent women wearing such tiny blouses that their fat is pouring out of their blouses.
Its not a pretty sight you will agree. What is the need to display such unsightly flesh? A blouse doesnt have to be till your chin nor to your wrists to be at least decent.
Having said that, thongs,push up bras, skintight jeans, jeans cut so low that they leave nothing to the imagination, blouses with spaghetti straps, cleavage and I really dont need to go on about the FASHIONABLE clothing available in every single shop.
All of them are endorsing nothing but skin display. Obviously if they did not sell, the shops would not need to be re stocking. therefore they are being bought and they are being worn.
But tell me honestly do you really as a person find these clothes suitable?
From my point of view, I have nothing against my daughter wearing western clothes and as she grows tomorrow into being a yong woman will not restrict her to mainly shalwar/kameez or insist on hijaab/abaya/burkha.
But yes, I will expect that she dress decently. So that her father does not have to avert his eyes in shame when she enters the room. If a man has no shame in his eyes how can he learn to respect another WOMAN who is not his mother/wife/sister or daughter?
I do not think my thinking is old fashioned and I am sure there are many other mothers who do think like me. likewise they are many mothers who will call me old fashioned and think I am a prude.
My daughter's best friend bought her a halter neck as a present. She said to me, "Mama, I know BABA doesnt like these clothes but can I just try it out to see how it looks, when Baba goes to office".
I do not want to sound dominating and opressing. But she is 10 years old and she understands that her Dad will get upset. I let her try it out but after a while she herself tired of it, decided it wasn't such a big deal and she changed her clothes.
Now as a subcon coming from such a MODERN background, my husband comes from a more conservative background. But even he realises that he has to give her a certain amount of freedom.
So coming back to the point of us viewing things differently , yes there are some of us who seem to believe that certain clothes, certain lifestyles, are not acceptable.
This is the subcons view. We do not love our children-female children any less, we also respect their modesty and honour. Some of us till believe in virginity, and try if we can to defuse a situation rather than it take a head and that includes many arguments with a spouse where we choose to keep quiet, not because we are weak, or scared, but because we begin to comprehend that theres no point speaking a language that the other does not understand.
Instead we will wait for the time when we have done our groundwork, laid our foundation over the years and then in a very subtle way take our stand and get our way.This I have learned over the years is a far more effective strategy (as practised by our mothers/grandmothers) than our more aggressive IN YOUR FACE attitude.
Life really is not as perfect, orderly, correct nor a DOSTOEVSKY novel where the good will win over evil in the end. Life has some nasty truths which in case your are not frickking PARIS HILTON, then you have repercussions to follow through.
What does this have to do with a child molester? It is an explanation of eastern vs western views.I am not saying Sam's mom has done the right thing but on having reflected on where she is coming from and her position, I can begin to understand her immediate need to defend her daughter's name. I can understand her fear that she can be squashed if she stands up to the BIG GUYS, that her husband can lose his job and as a result the whole family can be destroyed. I can understand her fears though I am angry with her response.
From this whole thing I have learned a very valuable lesson. God forbid I be put in her shoes, as I know I will kill the man and go to jail before I think things out rationally. But thats just me.
There is a very famous Cherokee saying: DO NOT JUDGE A MAN TILL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN HIS MOCCASINS.